 |
|
|
The birth of a child is not only a significant milestone in a woman's life--her partner experiences the birth in incredibly profound, though different, ways. Although the 'Common Questions' page addresses the partner's role, I will elaborate here.
Myth 1: If the woman has her partner, the doula becomes redundant.
Reality: The love a partner has for the laboring mother is irreplaceable. The doula may be the only person at the birth besides the partner who is there solely for the emotional well-being of the woman. The nurse, the doctor, the midwife can have other priorities that compete with the emotional care of the woman: for example, breaks, shift changes, clinical responsibilties, office hours, and hospital policies. The doula has few or no other priorities. She stays through shift changes and until the baby is born. She has the woman's needs as her sole priority. The partner and the doula have different and complementary roles, and the presence of a doula can enhance the support a partner gives. Since each couple is different, I am open to how you'd like me to work with you, and often it becomes an 'improvisational' sort of process. This is something we can discuss further in prenatal visits.
With her partner and doula, a mom can have the best of both worlds: her partner's loving care and attention and the doula's expertise and guidance in childbirth.
Myth 2: The doula 'takes over,' displacing the partner and interferes with their intimate experience.
Reality: The doula can actually bring the couple closer. By making sure the mother's and partner's needs are met, they can work more closely and comfortably together. The doula allows for the partner to participate at his or her comfort level. Some partners prefer to be there to witness the birth of their child but may not want to play an active role and take responsbility for the woman's comfort and emotional security. The doula can fill in and allow the partner to participate as desired without leaving the mother's needs unmet. When the partner chooses to be the primary source of support, the doula can supplement his or her efforts, make suggestions, and offer reassurance.
While the doula probably knows more than the partner about birth and maternity care, the partner knows more about the laboring mom's personality, likes and dislikes, and needs. Moreover, as mentioned before, the partner loves the woman more than anyone else there. The combined contributions of partner and doula, along with a competent, caring, and considerate staff, give the mom the best chance of an optimal outcome.
Myth 3: The doula has her own beliefs about how the birth should go and imposes it on the woman or couple.
Reality: The doula's agenda is to help make sure the woman's or couple's agenda is acknowledged and followed as much as possible. If the doula is thoroughly familiar with the couple's wishes, she may actually be able to think more about it, especially when the labor is intense and things are happening rapidly. The doula can remind the couple of some of their pre-discussed wishes that might be forgotten in the moment, but later might be important. The doula can help with desicion-making by asking questions that will make sure the right information is given to the couple so they can make an informed decision. She may also suggest alternatives for them to consider or help in understanding events in the birth. She does not, however, make decisions for the laboring mother.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
